50 Criminal Puns You Will Want to Steal

This list of criminal puns is open to contribution. If you’d like to add a criminal pun to it, please submit it to us using the comments section below.

Crimes! There are so many and some are obvious and others are confusing. It is not a brainer when you say that killing someone or robbing someone is a crime. It is and you deserve so much jail time. However, if you smoke weed, how is that a crime? That is because that will get you arrested too which is just so unbelievably wrong. You don’t even know what is a crime these days and what is not a crime.

The system can be pretty messed up at times, and those who do not do bad things but those things such as smoking weed are against the law, get charged. They are called criminals. However, you can say something damaging and hateful to someone to the point it can destroy them, that gets a free pass. That is why bullies should be charged but never are. Even if there is concrete proof, they would still not get charged. It is so frustrating and annoying. Anyway, what more can we say about criminals? Nothing. Let’s go on and write some puns about them. How about 50 criminal puns just for you?

List of Criminal Puns You Will Want to Steal:

Following are some of the best criminal puns you will want to steal:

Did you hear about the carrot detective? It got to the root of every case.
Which type of robbery isn’t dangerous? A safe robbery.
What happens if you start an illegal fire using flint? You get a sparking ticket.
What was the arsonist’s alibi? It is a flame excuse.
Do arsonists really get old? No, but they do lose their spark.
What did the priest say when he was pulled over for DUI? Good Lord, I only drank water.
What does a strangler serial killer eat for dessert? Garrote Cake.
The guy was not angry after burglars stole all his booze since they lifted his spirits.
Which criminal wrote the book, Life In Prison Is a Sentence when he was starting to learn to read? Kyle Ian Slaughter.
A sea gangster is Al Caprawn.
Why did the bee banker who was not trustworthy go to jail? Embuzzlement.
What do cops call a stolen object when it’s not where it’s supposed to be? Found missing.
People who love sausage and respect the law shouldn’t watch either being made.
What is it called when a ghost commits a robbery? A polterheist.
Why did the cops arrest a Mallard duck? He was suspected of being the infamous Robber Ducky.
Something was stolen from the music store and it was the Lute?
Burglars are amazing tennis players since they spend so much time in courts.
What do D.A.s call crimes that cops solve quickly? Brief cases.
The cops could not catch the toilet thief since they had nothing to go on.
The parrot was sent to prison since he was a jail bird.
The perfect hairstyle for a gunslinger is bangs.
Inmates hate clock towers since it is hard time.
the name of Darth Vader’s corrupt brother was Taxi Vader.
The one day of the week that convicts cant wait for is Free day.
The Easter treat that prisoners love are jaily beans.
Old burglars don’t retire as they steal away instead.
The greasy thief steals meat is the Hamburglar.
Who wrote the police drama book, How to Solve a Whodunit? Mr. E.
Why weren’t the toilet paper thieves arrested? The police were patting the suspects down, butt they were clean.
I got a ticket on Thanksgiving for exceeding the feed limit.
Why didn’t the jailbird think he’d be a suspect in the latest crime spree? Because he was above it all.
How can you tell you’ve had too much coffee? You got a speeding ticket while you were parked!
Why was the little rubber duck arrested by the park police? He was a bird-lery suspect.
Who is the worst criminal that you could find at McDonald’s? The Hamburglar.
What happens when you pour cement on a burglar? You get a hardened criminal.
What did you call Sherlock Holmes dressed up as Old Saint Nick? Santa Clues.
The violin and a lawsuit have a lot in common because everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
The biggest difference between Batman and a criminal is that Batman can go into a store without Robin.
Neurons that commit a crime are jailed in a nerve cell.
Why don’t the Borg go to jail? That is because they obey the Lore.
What is a drummer in a three-piece suit? The defendant.
Where can you find a bunch of clowns who deserve to be in jail? Silly Con Valley.
Which US president never deserved to go to jail? Lincoln, because he’s in a cent.
What do you call a message sent by an incarcerated criminal? Context.
Which new book is about overly passionate poets who ended up in jail? Prose and Cons.
Why was the doctor arrested? He was caught trying to take somebody’s pulse.
Why did the cops arrest a fellow pig? Because he was a pigpocket.
Why did the cop ticket the sheep? Because she was a really baaad driver.
Why was the building put in handcuffs It was a house arrest.
Why did the cops arrest a fellow pig? Because he was an infamous hamburglar.